Bob, Danny and Rachel are in Virginia right now. They went to go visit Bob's grandparents. They're having a great time. Since Bob was going to be gone, I asked my mom to come visit. She came Monday night and Bob and the kids left wednesday night. She left Sunday morning and they come back sunday night. We've had a great week. She was here for Aaron's birthday. He chose to go out to TGIFridays for dinner and and target and we had donuts in the morning. My mom and I went to the temple and went shopping and did some family history and all my regular stuff, but it was fun to have someone here to do it with.
I've been working at the school a couple of days a week. I don't love being on call, but it's nice to be at the school sometimes and it's so much better than working full time!
We had stake conference last weekend. Several people talked about going to the temple once a week. I was kind of thinking I'd get to the temple twice a month now that I'm not working, but it made me realize that I should definitely go once a week. I'm excited for that goal. Also Elder Cornish came to our stake conference. I loved his conference talk and his talks at stake conference were so good too. Very similar to the things Valerie talked about in her seminar that I just finished.
We had another girl incident with Danny. Apparently he held a girl's hand at school. I got all kinds of reports from people that it happened, but when I asked him he lied to me repeatedly. We had a pretty miserable 2 weeks where he was so grumpy and mean. He gets like that every time something like this has happened. Bob always tries to tell me it's regular teenage boy stuff, but I'm so thankful for the Spirit that keeps at me to figure out what's going on. We had a great talk once he finally told the truth and it was so great to get to share some of the things I have learned from Valerie with him. He hasn't ever done anything horrible with girls, but they are sure a temptation for him and after he does it he has such guilt it just tears him apart. Parenting teenagers can be so hard, but I can't imagine how much harder it would be without the spirit.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Sunday, October 2, 2016
October 1, 2016
We had a good conference weekend. Now we're having Sandy over for dinner because May is out of town. Friday night I went to St. George with Stephanie Gunnell. She was running the marathon and her family didn't want to go with her. So Bob took care of all the crazy kid carpools and I drove to St. George. It was a quick trip. We got there around 5:00 that night and had dinner and then Saturday she got up and did her race and I stayed in the hotel and watched the first session. It was nice to have the long drives to get to catch up.
I'm now an on-call aide instead of full time. I was still struggling with the job. And this week they called one of the other aides in to talk to her because she'd missed 19 days last year while her sister was sick. They wanted to make sure she wouldn't miss that much this year. It was a little surprising. So I went to talk to my supervisor because I think I'll miss that much this year easily, with sick kids and trips and appointments and then a few days I might need just to keep up on my life. I thought it would be better for her to know ahead of time instead of getting mad like with the other aide. She didn't like that and thought the job might not be for me then. They were in need of someone reliable to be on-call though, so I will do that. They are working to get a replacement for me now. I'm so relieved to not have to work everyday. It was just so hard. But it'll be nice to work a little still so I can see the kids there sometimes. I hope to volunteer a lot in the classroom now too. And I plan to try to get my websites so I can work about 12 hours a week. That will make it so I earn a similar amount to when I was working full time for the school. I'm so relieved it worked out ok and I don't think I've made anyone mad at me. Well, there were a couple, but I think I've explained things to them. I just really didn't know what I was committing to do when I agreed to work full time.
I'm still having breathing and sleeping issues. That's another reason the job was so stressful. I've been to see Valerie a few times over the summer. She said I had some "false precepts" and "apparently noble thinking". I've realized that I didn't fully understand the atonement. I kind of thought I should try my hardest not to use it. But she helped me realize we all need it all the time because we are imperfect (not finished) and we live in a fallen world. It's just a fact. I always had some guilt because I thought I know about the gospel and all the things I should be doing. So since I know better I should be doing better. But I still mess up or am lazy. But Heavenly Father knows me and created and finished his plan for me before the world was (Heb 4:3 JST). So he knew I'd be right where I am right now and it's ok because I'm trying. That is why I need to keep using the sacrament. I didn't have complete faith because I didn't really know if the path I'm on was agreeable to the Lord (Lectures on Faith definition). I was afraid to ask in case I wasn't, or I had mock humility or something. I realize that I am in just the place the Lord knew I would be and that has helped me have more faith and peace. So I guess my anxiety was because I thought I had to do it all myself and that if I didn't I wouldn't get the best reward or I would miss something. But I can't miss something if I'm looking to the Savior.
Anyway, I went and saw Valerie by myself 3 or 4 times and then she recommending I take her Universal Truths class. It's 7 weeks. I really like it. It's all about the basics of the gospel but it doesn't use all the regular church phrases so that helps it sink in better. I feel like I've found most of my false beliefs. And I feel a stronger understanding of our place here and what the Savior has really done for us. My breathing and tension and bad sleeping are still going strong. It's frustrating and uncomfortable. During the day I'm not too bad and I'm able to do most everything just fine, although I hurt most of the time. But at night it feels like mental illness or something. I had Bob give me a blessing. It talked about patience and understanding the body and spirit connection better. I don't know if that means I have more false beliefs or messed up subconscious or something or if I've just really messed up my body's reactions and it'll just take a while to get better. I have 3 weeks left of Valerie's class. And it'll be nice to work less so I can have time to really ponder some of this stuff and get to the temple more.
I'm now an on-call aide instead of full time. I was still struggling with the job. And this week they called one of the other aides in to talk to her because she'd missed 19 days last year while her sister was sick. They wanted to make sure she wouldn't miss that much this year. It was a little surprising. So I went to talk to my supervisor because I think I'll miss that much this year easily, with sick kids and trips and appointments and then a few days I might need just to keep up on my life. I thought it would be better for her to know ahead of time instead of getting mad like with the other aide. She didn't like that and thought the job might not be for me then. They were in need of someone reliable to be on-call though, so I will do that. They are working to get a replacement for me now. I'm so relieved to not have to work everyday. It was just so hard. But it'll be nice to work a little still so I can see the kids there sometimes. I hope to volunteer a lot in the classroom now too. And I plan to try to get my websites so I can work about 12 hours a week. That will make it so I earn a similar amount to when I was working full time for the school. I'm so relieved it worked out ok and I don't think I've made anyone mad at me. Well, there were a couple, but I think I've explained things to them. I just really didn't know what I was committing to do when I agreed to work full time.
I'm still having breathing and sleeping issues. That's another reason the job was so stressful. I've been to see Valerie a few times over the summer. She said I had some "false precepts" and "apparently noble thinking". I've realized that I didn't fully understand the atonement. I kind of thought I should try my hardest not to use it. But she helped me realize we all need it all the time because we are imperfect (not finished) and we live in a fallen world. It's just a fact. I always had some guilt because I thought I know about the gospel and all the things I should be doing. So since I know better I should be doing better. But I still mess up or am lazy. But Heavenly Father knows me and created and finished his plan for me before the world was (Heb 4:3 JST). So he knew I'd be right where I am right now and it's ok because I'm trying. That is why I need to keep using the sacrament. I didn't have complete faith because I didn't really know if the path I'm on was agreeable to the Lord (Lectures on Faith definition). I was afraid to ask in case I wasn't, or I had mock humility or something. I realize that I am in just the place the Lord knew I would be and that has helped me have more faith and peace. So I guess my anxiety was because I thought I had to do it all myself and that if I didn't I wouldn't get the best reward or I would miss something. But I can't miss something if I'm looking to the Savior.
Anyway, I went and saw Valerie by myself 3 or 4 times and then she recommending I take her Universal Truths class. It's 7 weeks. I really like it. It's all about the basics of the gospel but it doesn't use all the regular church phrases so that helps it sink in better. I feel like I've found most of my false beliefs. And I feel a stronger understanding of our place here and what the Savior has really done for us. My breathing and tension and bad sleeping are still going strong. It's frustrating and uncomfortable. During the day I'm not too bad and I'm able to do most everything just fine, although I hurt most of the time. But at night it feels like mental illness or something. I had Bob give me a blessing. It talked about patience and understanding the body and spirit connection better. I don't know if that means I have more false beliefs or messed up subconscious or something or if I've just really messed up my body's reactions and it'll just take a while to get better. I have 3 weeks left of Valerie's class. And it'll be nice to work less so I can have time to really ponder some of this stuff and get to the temple more.
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