April 18, 2012

Something I relearned in the temple last week was how much of this life is our choice.  I think I get so caught up in wanting to follow his plan for me that I assume it's all laid out just waiting for me to be obedient.  But I remembered it isn't like that.  He knows me well enough that he knows what I'll choose, probably.  And there are times when my choice isn't what's best for me and He'll let me know that.  But I get to choose and He wants me to choose.  The strongest times I've learned that are when I decided to marry Bob and last week, deciding I want to be done having babies. Those were such big choices I didn't want to be wrong so I started out waiting for the Lord to tell me what to do.  But the answer didn't come because I hadn't chosen what I wanted yet. I'm so thankful for that reminder last week.  This is my life and my test.  Heavenly Father will help me make good choices, but they are all my choices to make.

January 15, 2012

We are finally healthy.  We spent the first 2 weeks of this year sick. We missed the last two Sundays.  So it was nice to be at church today. 

Seth started gymnastics this week.  He loved it.  The class is small so Ruby can even wander around and participate a little. We started the Cox-Dean basketball camp yesterday.  We're going to do our own basketball practice on Saturdays until baseball starts. Just to expose them to basketball and have a little fun.  I tried to put Aaron in a league, but there weren't enough boys his age who signed up so they cancelled it.

I got a few house projects done this week.  We hung more pictures in our front room.  It's feeling pretty close to done.  I want my coffee table refinished--I asked Bob to do it for me for Valentines day.  My mom got me an awesome lazy susan for my kitchen table for Christmas.  I painted it blue to match our kitchen.

I had an amazing experience at sacrament meeting today.  I was in a little bit of a bad mood as I sat down after fighting with kids to get everyone ready and on time to church.  So I sat there and I prayed that I'd see people and things as Heavenly Father does.  That prayer always helps me see needs and feel love.  So I was feeling a little better. Then Tali Tuitama, one of the young women, sat down across the isle from me.  I felt the spirit so strongly.  I could feel how much Heavenly Father loves her and the divine heritage she has. She didn't actually look different, but I could feel a glow coming off her, like I could see or feel the love of Heavenly Father.  I couldn't help the tears. It was that way for the whole meeting. I haven't felt the spirit that strongly in a while.  It's amazing to think of that feeling and know that Heavenly Father loves each of us that much.

October 20, 2011

I've been potty training Seth this week and it went pretty well.  He's wearing underwear most of the time and has accidents about once a day; not the best record, but pretty good.  But so far none of those accidents have been on the carpet or the couch.  I've only used little bribes like fruit snacks or chocolate chips.  But this week we're going to try bigger bribes at the toy store to see if we can get him a little more committed.

Now that my big website deadline has past I'm working on my house more again.  I'm finishing the playroom wall and Bob and I are working on refinishing the coffee table and buffet for the front room.  I'd like that room to look a little more finished for when my family comes for Christmas. 

Ruby and Danny are sick today so we're home from church again.  We're really praying that it'll pass by Tuesday when we plan to go to Visalia for Thanksgiving. 

I've been reading the conference Ensign lately.  Two of my favorite talks are "A Time to Prepare" by Ian S. Ardern and "The Power of Scripture" by Richard G. Scott. I feel like I just don't ever have enough time to do everything I need and want to.  I'm always behind on sleep and have headaches because of it.  So the talk by Ardern was so good because he listed what our priorities should be: The Lord, family, work, wholesome recreational activities.  That was a good reminder.  And I liked when he said "I invite us to identify the time-wasting distractions in our lives that may need to be figuratively ground into dust."  And since time is so tight for me right now I find myself neglecting my scripture study as I try to get more things done, even though I know that's not how my priorities should be.  So Scott's talk about his love of the scriptures was wonderful.

July 17, 2011

We just got back from Lake Tahoe last night. We had a wonderful time! We left last Friday and stayed until this Saturday. Wendy and her family came too. Amanda has a great new house that fit all 6 adults and 12 children perfectly. It was so fun to spend so much time with my girls again. We went to the beach several times and we went on a few little hikes. Lake Tahoe is just gorgeous. The Smiths just got a jet ski and kayak, which our kids adored. The girls and I went to dinner by ourselves one night. Bob and Danny went to a golf tournament and met Jimmer Fredette one day. Just our family went to Carson City one day. We did that last year too. The capital grounds are beautiful. We had a picnic and took tons of pictures and went to a museum. On Sunday my parents came and went on a hike with us after church. They were driving home from a family reunion in Idaho and just thought they'd call as they were driving in the area. But it turned out they were one mile away so they stopped and spent a couple of hours with us. The adults played Settlers of Cataan every night. We played Minute to Win It games and had a kid carnival. And we ate so much food. I feel so blessed to have those two girls in my life. I love them so much.

The week before we left we had a super fun party with great friends on Fourth of July. We had five families over for bbq, swimming, water balloons and fireworks. It was a great time. We love that we have such great friends and now we have such a great house to entertain with.

My breathing thing was completely gone in Tahoe and it came back within an hour of being home. I remember it did the same thing last year when we went. So maybe the heat triggers it. It sure is annoying whatever it is. How unlucky is that to be "allergic" to the heat and I live in Las Vegas?

Do we have another baby? I'm pretty sure we're done having kids. I gave away all my maternity clothes and all of Seth and Ruby's baby clothes. I really don't want to be pregnant again and I know Bob doesn't want to do a baby again. But we've always said the only way we'd have more is if the Spirit told us to. A couple weeks ago a friend told me how another friend is having her 7th baby because they went to the temple and found out they weren't done. That kind of scared me. Then I was remembering how I saw Aaron in the temple when I was pregnant with him. He was smiling. And that has helped me so many times when his tantrums are at their worst. But there was also a girl spirit that I saw that day in the temple. I thought it must be the girl I was doing the endowment for. Her name was Anna. But maybe it was a daughter I should have. If I had another girl I would name her Anna. I'll have to think about this more. We have had such a hard time since Ruby was born. We love her to death and wouldn't change a second. But moving and five kids and the bishopric and three kids at home and Seth and Ruby so close have all made life difficult a lot of the time. We barely feel like we're keeping our heads above water. But if I had to pick the trials I have in life, being pushed to the limit with lots of babies would be way better than a lot of other options.

February 10, 2011

Seth's cold didn't turn into an ear infection. And Ruby got it too, but she only had one small fever and hasn't really been grumpy from it, except when it was hard to breathe through her nose at night. Prayer answered in the way I wanted! What a blessing!

But it was still a week long cold and he still has a very runny nose. We've just been sick for so long! So last Sunday was fast Sunday. I fasted that we can be done being sick. Sick season for us is usually from November to March or April. But we've never been sick the whole time. So I prayed that if there isn't any reason for us to be sick, like to teach us or give us immunity in the future or whatever, then I really want to be done with sickness for this sick season. I thought of it like my labor and asking for an epidural. The pain of the contractions is just part of the process, but there's no real reason for me to feel that pain if I just ask for an epidural. I usually go as long as I can before I ask for it, but there really is no reason to not ask for it. So, we'll see if that sickness is needed for us. I hope it isn't. And I think there is still plenty of hard things in my life with learning to handle five kids and Bob in the Bishopric and gone a lot, so it's not like things will be too easy if we aren't sick. So we'll see what the rest of sick season has in store for us, but I think my prayer was a righteous desire, so I think the Lord will intervene for us if it's best.

February 1, 2011

In a Relief Society lesson a few weeks ago the teacher challenged us to learn better how the Holy Ghost talks to us. I knew that's something I should do. I know that Heavenly Father listens and answers all my prayers. I just don't always hear the answers very well. I love getting blessings because then I can hear with my physical ears and spiritual ears and I'm confident I hear the answer correctly that way. But I really want to be better at hearing and obeying promptings and answers to prayer.

Seth is sick AGAIN. Ruby also had a fever for two nights, but no runny nose or much grumpiness. Seth has a bad cold. I know I can get through another bad sickness because I was helped through the last one a few weeks ago, even though it was really hard. But I really don't want to. And I don't want Seth to have to go through that. I can't help him very well or give him the love and attention he needs when he's sick when I need to take care of Ruby too. So last night I prayed fervently with Seth and alone that Heavenly Father would help us and Seth to heal, that the cold won't turn into an ear infection and that he won't feel as down as he did last time. But I know if I can't have it the way I want it and it gets really bad again, Heavenly Father will help me through that. Then today Seth looks horrible. Bob stayed home to help me. But Seth hasn't gotten a fever yet. I started worrying for tomorrow when Bob has to go back to work. I know Heavenly Father answered my prayer last night, but I wasn't sure I heard that answer. As I was thinking and praying about that, the primary song "I Pray in Faith" came to my mind and got stuck there. I kept hearing the line, "He hears and answers me when I pray in faith" over and over. I realized that was a wonderful confirmation that Heavenly Father had heard me and answered me. He wasn't going to tell me exactly what would happen to Seth, but he'd heard me and was taking care of things as they should be. So I still don't know how bad things will get, but they are in His hands and he will grant my requests if that is best.

December 18

We've had at least one person sick in our house for over six weeks now. We were sick before Ruby came and every day since. I've had a slight cold here and there, but not too sick. But this week was my turn. I got pink eye and tonsillitis. I've been sick since Tuesday and I'm just starting to feel better today. Bob has really stepped up to help. He's stayed home a lot to help and taken lots of turns at night. But, thankfully, Ruby has been healthy this whole time. So maybe I'm at least giving her some antibodies to help her fight whatever I have. I'm praying for a healthy Christmas break with the kids. It'll be a little crazy with all of them home all day anyway, but if they're sick, it'll be harder.

Ruby went to her appointment this week. She's up to 10 lbs. The doctor said she'd probably just grow out of the reflux and didn't want to prescribe anything yet. As long as it doesn't get as bad as it did for Aaron, it'll be ok. So I don't even try to lay her down anymore. She sleeps on us, or in her swing or carseat. And during the day I use her baby bjorn alot to keep her upright. She sleeps great in it and it seems to be helping her spitting up a little. She's started being grumpy from about 8-11 pm and then restless again from 4-6 am; so we don't get very much rest at night. But she's so cute cuddly and she's smiling at us more and more.

Because I was sick, we didn't do too much for Christmas traditions this week. But on Monday we went and drove through the Gift of Lights. The kids all loved it. And yesterday we all went over to the Deans and had pizza and made candy trains. The kids had their Christmas parties at school and now it's Christmas break. We'll make fudge and treats this week to take to friends and teachers. And tonight we're going to sleep under the Christmas tree. My family will get here on Thursday. I'm excited about that.

We heard from our real estate agent that our house will probably close at the end of January; they think they just about have the final approval for the short sale. We're so excited to get more space. It'll be great to have all of January to pack and then be able to get into the house. Hopefully Ruby will cooperate with packing.

We get a little nervous sometimes about having two houses, but we really feel like the Lord provided this opportunity for us and if we keep working hard, things will work out. I was reading my Patriarchal blessing this week and it talks about our necessities will always be provided and even in difficult times, our needs will be met. As I read it I realized our necessities were met as well as our wants with this house. I remember being worried that we'd never be able to move to something bigger when the real estate prices were all going down. But I remember having the feeling that when we had five kids, we'd be able to get a bigger house. At that time we didn't even know if we would have five. But this house has worked out right in the midst of having five kids. Debbie told us that they prayed about short selling their house in February, but didn't feel right about it, but in July when they prayed about it, even though nothing had changed for them financially in that time, it did feel right then. We wouldn't have been ready to buy their house if it had gone up for sale in February. There are so many things like that that have made us feel this is a move that will be good for our family and that Heavenly Father approves of this choice.

December 12

I'm getting more energy and getting more used to how many little people are in our house now. I'm done bleeding now, which is the earliest that has ever happened for me. And hopefully I'll be able to start exercising in a week or so. I still have 15 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm excited to be able to go to the gym and get back into swimming and spinning and exercise as hard as I want and not have to worry about my heart rate getting too high or my knees bumping into my stomach or anything like that.

I'm always amazed at how blessed I am as a mom especially when I have a new baby around. It's so hard to get used to all the work and lack of sleep the first few months. This time I've really noticed those blessings in an increase in patience. I was worried before Ruby came that I'd be inpatient and not as loving as I should be to the other kids. I started praying a few months ago that I'd be able to be nice when I was sleep deprived. This week I've noticed how calm I've been with the kids the last few weeks even with a new baby and then I remembered my prayer and I realized it is my prayer being answered.

Ruby is one month now. She's filling in nicely. She still isn't really round, but she's not so scrawny and wrinkly looking. She's smiling a little. And she's spitting up a ton! I'm taking her in for a checkup and to see if she has reflux tomorrow. She can't ever sleep laying down because she'll choke or just spit up all over herself. So Bob and I take turns sleeping in the recliner or on the couch with her to keep her at least at an angle a little.

We started a new Christmas tradition last night. We had a fondue party. We had cheese fondue for dinner, which the kids love. Then we had chocolate fondue for dessert. Then we watched a Christmas movie.

I'm just about done with Christmas shopping. Just a few little things to even the kids out and stocking stuffers. I think Bob and I are going to go take care of those last things together this weekend.

April 4

It's Easter. My mom and Dad and Ryan and Venessa and Jeremy came for Easter. They got here on Wednesday night. Ryan and Jeremy brought the stomach flu with them. So far Seth, Rachel and Danny have also gotten it. So we've stayed home mostly this weekend. But it was also conference this weekend so we wouldn't have done too much anyway.

Danny's 8th birthday was Friday. He got fish and chips from Carl's Jr. He had a basketball party and a dinosaur pinata. Then we went to the park and he and Aaron, Bob and my dad played basketball and T-ball for a long time. He said he had a great birthday. We also went to the drive-in on Monday to see "Diary of a Wimpy Kid", a book he's read. He just missed the stake baptisms, so he'll get baptized on May 1. He's really excited. He's such a great boy!

Conference was great. They talked a whole lot about children and how to nurture and teach them. We need to do better with family scripture study. Bob reads to the kids when he tucks them in, but Seth and I are usually in the other room getting him to bed. We have been doing well with our new family motto, though. It is Love, Learn, CTR. We have actions to go with it and we give out awards every Sunday at a family meeting. So all week long we write nominations of things people have done in each area. It gives a good forum to praise the kids for good choices.

Also earlier this week, I was trying to think if there was any questions or special things I should be thinking about for conference. I couldn't think of any, but then we had the missionaries over for dinner and one of them shared a spiritual thought and said he is focusing on what the Prophet is going to tell us. I knew that was what I needed to listen for too. Then when President Monson started speaking today it was about death. At first I was a little nervous because I don't want to learn anything about death. But then I realized that I need to share his message with Sandy, next door, who is dying of cancer. I've been thinking for a while that I need to talk to her. President Monson's talk was wonderful, and was everything I could imagine she should hear. So now I just need to figure out how and when to approach her.

I went to an appointment for my pregnancy last thursday. Things went well. They did an ultrasound then and said I'm due November 18. But it was a few days too early to hear a heartbeat. So I went back this Thursday for another ultrasound. The heartbeat was there, but it was a little slower than it should be. It was 117 and they like it to be between 120 and 180. So I'm going back again this week for another ultrasound. I'm still pretty sick and tired. This week it got pretty bad so I took some of the anti-nausea medicine from the dr. It helped some. So at least I didn't feel sick constantly. If I get busy enough, I can forget about it for a little bit.

December 20

We're in Visalia right now. It's fun to be on vacation. We went out to lunch yesterday for Dustin's birthday and we went to my mom's ward Christmas party. Tomorrow I'm giving all the kids haircuts and I think mom and I will do a little shopping, maybe Bob and I will go to a movie. Then Tuesday we'll leave for Aneheim. Then Wednesday's the big Disneyland day. The kids are so excited.

I had a great experience last night. I've made it a goal to read and study the scriptures better than I normally do, kind of as a gift for the Savior. (Of course I knew I'd get more blessings for doing it than I would ever give Him). I've been feeling there's something I should be doing or asking for help with as I study, but wasn't sure what. Last night I was tired and hadn't read my scriptures and was ready to get into bed, but I remembered my goal for December and decided to get up and read. I opened to D&C 42:61. And that had a note in the margin to CR with 3 Ne. 18:20. Both about asking and receiving answers.

But I still didn't know what to ask for. My first thought was for help with Aaron, though. So today I studied and looked around in the scriptures. The D&C verse says to "know the mysteries and peaceable things". That kind of lead me to repentance. I read the Bible Dictionary about it.

As I was praying for guidance I realized I need to use repentance more regularly--like every prayer--especially in mothering. That will let me have a "fresh view" of the situation every day and I'll be more available to the promptings I need to help them. I need to repent more for losing patience and my temper and for my selfishness with my time.