December 18, 2016

December has been great and busy.  The girls just had their dance recitals.  So fun to watch. Danny has been fun to watch on his school's basketball team.  They lose most of their games but they can only get better.  Aaron and Seth are playing NJB basketball. Life is busy and full.

I finished going to Valerie's class.  I realized another issue I had was that because of some promptings I've missed in the past, I was afraid that I can't hear the Spirit all the time.  Valerie talks about how she walks with the Spirit every day and lets him tell her what to do everyday.  That sounded too hard to me because of my fear that I can't hear all the promptings.  So I was trying to control everything and try to do everything I thought was right instead of listening for promptings to tell me what to do.  And I'm sure I was probably harder on myself than the spirit would be.  And it wasn't as peaceful.  So I tried it and it felt so good.  I feel like there's a big cloud of things that need to be done all the time and before I was trying to grab them all.  But with the Spirit I feel like I can let that cloud float all around me and the spirit will tell me what to grab.  It feels so much better.  I'm not so good at it when I get tired or forget to ask for help.  But it's definitely better.

A month after I figured these things out, I was still having big issues with sleep and breathing.  I feel like my mind and spirit are much more at peace.  But my body isn't at peace.  It responds extremely to stress.  Like one night I had a half of a thought that I wished I was going to bed early and I wouldn't have thought much of it, but my lungs constricted and it took me hours to go to sleep.  It's like my body overreacts to everything.  So I went to see Valerie again to see if I had more issues I didn't know I had.  She said she thought I was doing well and referred me to her doctor friend, Dr. Kruger.  He's kind of a chiropractor but not really. He says he works in functional healing.  So not bad like going to a hospital, but helps things function better.  He's retired and only sees a few patients from his home.  He's such a kind, good man. I've been to see him 3 times.  He thinks he can help me and that it'll take about 6 weeks of 2 visits a week.  He did a bunch of tests on me and says I'm slightly out of alignment in so many ways and that puts pressure on nerves and organs, which sends toxic signals to my brain and that can be why my body reacts so extremely.  I'm just so relieved that someone can tell me what is going on.  Doctors haven't been able to help and then Valerie told me all the things wrong with my brain.  And it still didn't fix things.  I don't know who else could have helped me.  I'm really hopeful.  I'm so looking forward to breathing normal. I've been having issues with this on and off since I was pregnant with Seth.  And it's been constant for the last year.

I had a good experience this last week with it.  I got a little relief from the things Dr. Krueger did, but every time I went back my body would be out of alignment again.  He said it takes the body a while to relearn how to hold its position.  So I'm still not sleeping or breathing well.  Last week was the last week before Christmas break and it was so crazy busy.  I was awake a lot at night and averaged 4-5 hours of sleep at night.  One of the nights I was praying and I asked why the Lord couldn't just help me sleep.  But then I realized that it was a really stressful week and with almost no sleep I should have been so grumpy and mean to the kid and easy to cry and slow to process things (how I usually feel on little sleep), but all I had was a headache.  I realized that the Lord couldn't help me sleep right then but he had been carrying my burdens all week. It was such a tender mercy to realize how blessed I was even though it wasn't the blessing I thought I needed then.