I'm learning so much from this breathing problem. I probably should have responded to it years ago and things wouldn't have gotten so bad. But I'm grateful that it finally made me take notice and change some things. I went to see Valerie again. She helped me realize I was internalizing my kids' choices and assuming that if they messed up it was because I hadn't done some thing right. But they have free agency and I can only do my best. Letting go of that took even more stress out of my life. And just recently I realized I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to earn money. I don't really have any work for United Way right now, so I was having to create work for myself, which is no fun. I didn't like to do it so it was hard to make myself do it, but then I had guilt because I didn't. I had a talk with Bob and had to remind myself that I think it's ok for me to not work right now. Summer is coming so it would be hard for me to start anything new. But I feel like when the time is right, the Lord has something prepared for me and I will be able to find it. I just need to give myself permission to be ok with that plan and take working off my daily checklist so that I can focus on the things that are right for me to do right now. I am grateful for the insights I'm gaining into myself and how I'm pretty strong-willed and checklist-oriented. There are so many things I haven't thought of before because I was too busy trying to do the right thing to listen to the Spirit which would have told me the real right thing I should be doing.
My breathing and sleep still aren't great. But I can feel the hand of the Lord so much through this. There are many nights I hardly sleep and I should feel so tired and grouchy the next day, but I don't. I'm still able to be patient with my kids and get my things done. I'm able to feel the Savior's love for me personally more and feel how infinite it is that there is plenty for me and everyone else. I don't need to compete for it in the slightest.
My scripture study has been so much better. I start with a prayer. Then read whatever I want. Right now I'm working on reading all the topical guide references to the Savior. President Nelson suggested it in the last Worldwide Devotional. Then I spend at least 5-10 minutes meditating and pondering and visiualizing the Savior and His love and anything I'm seeking help for. I feel a lot of strength in focusing my scripture/ponder time like that.
Danny started volleyball with his school. They are doing an intramural team this year so they have a bunch of boys who have never played before. He's having fun with it. We had to have a discussion about the use of his time because he also wants to play for Ballerz and walk the dogs. So he's still busy, but he's trying to work harder and have a better attitude. I've been working hard to be more positive and loving with him. We were in a little bit of a negative spiral. But it's amazing how quickly he responds when I try to hold my tongue and let him do things on his own.
Rachel spends a lot of time drawing and practicing the piano and riding her bike with Kylie and Mckayla. She was just released from being Beehive president.
Aaron was asked to be on a basketball all-star team that is supposed to turn into a club team. So we're waiting to see how that turns out. Somerset is also supposed to be starting a club team for middle and high school so that might work out well too. Aaron was also asked to be on the track team at school because they noticed he's so athletic. He decided he didn't want to do it though.
Seth is so excited to go to cub scouts. He's absolutely loving it. He's also playing soccer and taking piano lessons. He's doing a lot better with paying attention and sitting still at school. He still gets distracted and is hard to motivate sometimes, but I think we're on the right track. We've been using some essential oils on him and I do the Kruger stuff on him. Sadly, it's allergy season right now and he's always sniffing. We're looking forward to when that is better.
Ruby is doing dance and soccer right now. She's really excited to be playing soccer and scored 2 goals in her first game. She works really hard at everything she does. She idolizes Rachel and always talks about how kind Rachel is and how good at art she is. She just lost her 2 bottom teeth and was over the moon about it.
Amanda and Wendy are coming this weekend! We are staying at the Wynn and I'm so excited to get to hang out with them.
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