We've been having a nice February. It's been in the 60s to 70 and sunny. I like winter like this.
I've been working on the 14 days of Valentines with Bob. It's such a great reminder how helpful it is to serve and think of the other person. Because our marriage is so great when we do. Not that it's bad normally, but so much better when we put some effort in to it.
I've still been going along with my breathing and sleep problems. They seemed to hit a plateau. I kept feeling like I wasn't getting any answers because it's not going away. But this week I realized I have gotten answers and things have gotten a little better. But I realized I still wasn't relying on the Spirit as much as I should. I was still falling back into my old ways. I found a book on Deseret Book called Finding Inner Peace, Lessons learned from trying too hard by Wendy and Brent Top. I haven't read all of it, but it's making a lot of sense. I'm still trying to run faster than I should and faster than the Spirit tells me to. So the last couple days I have visualized sharing a yoke with the Savior. And my goal is to stay yoked all day. I pray for help in the morning and try to pay attention to when I don't have peace and then I know I'm going off on my own. That has brought a lot of peace. And it's been one of the only things that has had a direct effect on helping my breathing. I still have the tendency to hold my diaphragm tight. But if I notice I'm doing it, I can relax it a little. I've never been able to do that before. Usually if I think about it, it gets worse. I'm so hopeful for a change in my breathing and sleep and in my whole life.
This is the last week of high school basketball. It's been a good season, but it'll be nice for Danny to not be so busy.
My garden is doing well. I've found I like winter gardening because there are no bugs! I'm harvesting brocolli, cauliflower, kale, carrots and peas right now. It's great.
I was asked to be a level leader at girls camp. I'm excited to go to camp!
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Sunday, February 5, 2017
February 5, 2017
January went so fast. Danny and Rachel had finals. They all continued their sports. Danny is so busy. He is at school from 5:30am to 5:30 pm every day. I'm glad it's almost done. It will be nice for him to get back to having time to do things like sleep and walk the dogs and hang out.
Seth and I have been going to see Dr. Kruger every Tuesday in January. I've made a lot of progress, but I still have sometimes where I can't breathe right. He still thinks he can help me. I think I'll go one or 2 more times. We'll see. I signed up to take his class so I'm excited to learn more about what he's doing and if I can do it. But the best part has been taking Seth to see him. He went the day after Christmas and he said the same thing about being out of alignment and he can't focus because he's trying to get comfortable and can't. That first time I took Seth, Dr. Kruger worked on me first and the whole time Seth was waiting, Seth was crawling around on the couch and hanging off it and in constant motion. On our third visit we went in and sat down and Seth just sat next to me and was completely still. There was such a difference! He still has a little bit of a hard time focusing at school, but I think some of that is behavioral and we need to practice and talk about those skills with him. But it seems like a lot of his underlying physical reasons for not paying attention are better. I'm excited to take Dr. Kruger's class so hopefully I can keep it up for Seth and help him when he needs it.
We went to Visalia for MLK day. Grandma Monte and Grandpa Gene were there. Grandpa Cliff is working on a knot challenge for scouts so he practiced tying Ruby up, which she loved. We went to a really fun sledding place that has a rope tow. The weather was nice and sunny.
Seth and I have been going to see Dr. Kruger every Tuesday in January. I've made a lot of progress, but I still have sometimes where I can't breathe right. He still thinks he can help me. I think I'll go one or 2 more times. We'll see. I signed up to take his class so I'm excited to learn more about what he's doing and if I can do it. But the best part has been taking Seth to see him. He went the day after Christmas and he said the same thing about being out of alignment and he can't focus because he's trying to get comfortable and can't. That first time I took Seth, Dr. Kruger worked on me first and the whole time Seth was waiting, Seth was crawling around on the couch and hanging off it and in constant motion. On our third visit we went in and sat down and Seth just sat next to me and was completely still. There was such a difference! He still has a little bit of a hard time focusing at school, but I think some of that is behavioral and we need to practice and talk about those skills with him. But it seems like a lot of his underlying physical reasons for not paying attention are better. I'm excited to take Dr. Kruger's class so hopefully I can keep it up for Seth and help him when he needs it.
We went to Visalia for MLK day. Grandma Monte and Grandpa Gene were there. Grandpa Cliff is working on a knot challenge for scouts so he practiced tying Ruby up, which she loved. We went to a really fun sledding place that has a rope tow. The weather was nice and sunny.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
January 1, 2017
Christmas break was nice. We had a week out of school before Christmas. We were able to catch up on a lot of our Christmas traditions that we hadn't been able to get to during school. We went to the Bellagio and the cactus garden and made a gingerbread house and slept under the tree. We also worked on Kwanzaa. We didn't have a full day this year to do it so we did a couple hours every morning. It was so nice to get the house organized. We went and saw a movie as a reward on the day before Christmas Eve.
My parents and Grandma Donna came to celebrate Christmas with us. They came the morning of Christmas eve. We went ice-skating that day. We had a lot of fun. But it was pretty hard for the kids. We realized they have never rollerskate it or rollerbladed or anything before. So there was a lot of falling and tears. But they all stuck with it and by the end they had had a good time.
That evening we had Chinese food for dinner. We went over to the Pettingill's for a little bit to join their annual party. Then we acted out the nativity and open and sibling gifts. Everyone was very happy with their sibling gifts this year.
On Christmas we got up at 6:45. We opened gifts for a while. The kids got a new trampoline, Bob got a gas fire pit, Aaron got a new Xbox, Danny got a lot of games and controllers for the Xbox, Rachel got a lot of art supplies and a electronic tablet for drawing. Seth and Ruby got a superheroes playmation game that they both loved. They got Legos and Pokémon toys.
After presence we had Norwegians for breakfast. We played for a while. Then we had sacrament meeting at 1 o'clock. It was nice to have church on Christmas. Then we came home and had our second annual testimony meeting.
On the day after Christmas, my parents took the kids to The store to buy me a birthday present. Then we celebrated my birthday by going to dinner that night. Then we went to see the Christmas lights at the speedway after that.
Tuesday afternoon we packed up and drove to Utah. We stayed with Trina. Wednesday we went to the temple with her and did and down my aunts and ceilings for Pepas siblings. We went to the Provo city center temple. That night we went to ikea and then watched movies at Trina's. Thursday I took Danny and Rachel to the outlets for a little shopping. That night we had dinner at Kenton's house Josh and Holly came too. We celebrated my birthday and then we all went to watch a BYU basketball game. Friday we went over to the Dean's house. We had a great time catching up and spending time with them. The kids spent the night there that night. Then we pick them up the next morning and drove back to las vegas.
We had three different friends invited us to spend time with them on New Year's eve. That was fun. We moved from one party to the next. Danny went to the stake dance and had a good time. Everyone stayed up until midnight. I think that was the first year that had happened. We started at 9 o'clock church today. That was hard to get up for. But it was so nice to have the afternoon open. We had a mandatory family nap time to catch up on sleep. At night we went for a family walk and played Apples to Apples and did family yoga. It was nice.
My parents and Grandma Donna came to celebrate Christmas with us. They came the morning of Christmas eve. We went ice-skating that day. We had a lot of fun. But it was pretty hard for the kids. We realized they have never rollerskate it or rollerbladed or anything before. So there was a lot of falling and tears. But they all stuck with it and by the end they had had a good time.
That evening we had Chinese food for dinner. We went over to the Pettingill's for a little bit to join their annual party. Then we acted out the nativity and open and sibling gifts. Everyone was very happy with their sibling gifts this year.
On Christmas we got up at 6:45. We opened gifts for a while. The kids got a new trampoline, Bob got a gas fire pit, Aaron got a new Xbox, Danny got a lot of games and controllers for the Xbox, Rachel got a lot of art supplies and a electronic tablet for drawing. Seth and Ruby got a superheroes playmation game that they both loved. They got Legos and Pokémon toys.
After presence we had Norwegians for breakfast. We played for a while. Then we had sacrament meeting at 1 o'clock. It was nice to have church on Christmas. Then we came home and had our second annual testimony meeting.
On the day after Christmas, my parents took the kids to The store to buy me a birthday present. Then we celebrated my birthday by going to dinner that night. Then we went to see the Christmas lights at the speedway after that.
Tuesday afternoon we packed up and drove to Utah. We stayed with Trina. Wednesday we went to the temple with her and did and down my aunts and ceilings for Pepas siblings. We went to the Provo city center temple. That night we went to ikea and then watched movies at Trina's. Thursday I took Danny and Rachel to the outlets for a little shopping. That night we had dinner at Kenton's house Josh and Holly came too. We celebrated my birthday and then we all went to watch a BYU basketball game. Friday we went over to the Dean's house. We had a great time catching up and spending time with them. The kids spent the night there that night. Then we pick them up the next morning and drove back to las vegas.
We had three different friends invited us to spend time with them on New Year's eve. That was fun. We moved from one party to the next. Danny went to the stake dance and had a good time. Everyone stayed up until midnight. I think that was the first year that had happened. We started at 9 o'clock church today. That was hard to get up for. But it was so nice to have the afternoon open. We had a mandatory family nap time to catch up on sleep. At night we went for a family walk and played Apples to Apples and did family yoga. It was nice.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
December 18, 2016
December has been great and busy. The girls just had their dance recitals. So fun to watch. Danny has been fun to watch on his school's basketball team. They lose most of their games but they can only get better. Aaron and Seth are playing NJB basketball. Life is busy and full.
I finished going to Valerie's class. I realized another issue I had was that because of some promptings I've missed in the past, I was afraid that I can't hear the Spirit all the time. Valerie talks about how she walks with the Spirit every day and lets him tell her what to do everyday. That sounded too hard to me because of my fear that I can't hear all the promptings. So I was trying to control everything and try to do everything I thought was right instead of listening for promptings to tell me what to do. And I'm sure I was probably harder on myself than the spirit would be. And it wasn't as peaceful. So I tried it and it felt so good. I feel like there's a big cloud of things that need to be done all the time and before I was trying to grab them all. But with the Spirit I feel like I can let that cloud float all around me and the spirit will tell me what to grab. It feels so much better. I'm not so good at it when I get tired or forget to ask for help. But it's definitely better.
A month after I figured these things out, I was still having big issues with sleep and breathing. I feel like my mind and spirit are much more at peace. But my body isn't at peace. It responds extremely to stress. Like one night I had a half of a thought that I wished I was going to bed early and I wouldn't have thought much of it, but my lungs constricted and it took me hours to go to sleep. It's like my body overreacts to everything. So I went to see Valerie again to see if I had more issues I didn't know I had. She said she thought I was doing well and referred me to her doctor friend, Dr. Kruger. He's kind of a chiropractor but not really. He says he works in functional healing. So not bad like going to a hospital, but helps things function better. He's retired and only sees a few patients from his home. He's such a kind, good man. I've been to see him 3 times. He thinks he can help me and that it'll take about 6 weeks of 2 visits a week. He did a bunch of tests on me and says I'm slightly out of alignment in so many ways and that puts pressure on nerves and organs, which sends toxic signals to my brain and that can be why my body reacts so extremely. I'm just so relieved that someone can tell me what is going on. Doctors haven't been able to help and then Valerie told me all the things wrong with my brain. And it still didn't fix things. I don't know who else could have helped me. I'm really hopeful. I'm so looking forward to breathing normal. I've been having issues with this on and off since I was pregnant with Seth. And it's been constant for the last year.
I had a good experience this last week with it. I got a little relief from the things Dr. Krueger did, but every time I went back my body would be out of alignment again. He said it takes the body a while to relearn how to hold its position. So I'm still not sleeping or breathing well. Last week was the last week before Christmas break and it was so crazy busy. I was awake a lot at night and averaged 4-5 hours of sleep at night. One of the nights I was praying and I asked why the Lord couldn't just help me sleep. But then I realized that it was a really stressful week and with almost no sleep I should have been so grumpy and mean to the kid and easy to cry and slow to process things (how I usually feel on little sleep), but all I had was a headache. I realized that the Lord couldn't help me sleep right then but he had been carrying my burdens all week. It was such a tender mercy to realize how blessed I was even though it wasn't the blessing I thought I needed then.
I finished going to Valerie's class. I realized another issue I had was that because of some promptings I've missed in the past, I was afraid that I can't hear the Spirit all the time. Valerie talks about how she walks with the Spirit every day and lets him tell her what to do everyday. That sounded too hard to me because of my fear that I can't hear all the promptings. So I was trying to control everything and try to do everything I thought was right instead of listening for promptings to tell me what to do. And I'm sure I was probably harder on myself than the spirit would be. And it wasn't as peaceful. So I tried it and it felt so good. I feel like there's a big cloud of things that need to be done all the time and before I was trying to grab them all. But with the Spirit I feel like I can let that cloud float all around me and the spirit will tell me what to grab. It feels so much better. I'm not so good at it when I get tired or forget to ask for help. But it's definitely better.
A month after I figured these things out, I was still having big issues with sleep and breathing. I feel like my mind and spirit are much more at peace. But my body isn't at peace. It responds extremely to stress. Like one night I had a half of a thought that I wished I was going to bed early and I wouldn't have thought much of it, but my lungs constricted and it took me hours to go to sleep. It's like my body overreacts to everything. So I went to see Valerie again to see if I had more issues I didn't know I had. She said she thought I was doing well and referred me to her doctor friend, Dr. Kruger. He's kind of a chiropractor but not really. He says he works in functional healing. So not bad like going to a hospital, but helps things function better. He's retired and only sees a few patients from his home. He's such a kind, good man. I've been to see him 3 times. He thinks he can help me and that it'll take about 6 weeks of 2 visits a week. He did a bunch of tests on me and says I'm slightly out of alignment in so many ways and that puts pressure on nerves and organs, which sends toxic signals to my brain and that can be why my body reacts so extremely. I'm just so relieved that someone can tell me what is going on. Doctors haven't been able to help and then Valerie told me all the things wrong with my brain. And it still didn't fix things. I don't know who else could have helped me. I'm really hopeful. I'm so looking forward to breathing normal. I've been having issues with this on and off since I was pregnant with Seth. And it's been constant for the last year.
I had a good experience this last week with it. I got a little relief from the things Dr. Krueger did, but every time I went back my body would be out of alignment again. He said it takes the body a while to relearn how to hold its position. So I'm still not sleeping or breathing well. Last week was the last week before Christmas break and it was so crazy busy. I was awake a lot at night and averaged 4-5 hours of sleep at night. One of the nights I was praying and I asked why the Lord couldn't just help me sleep. But then I realized that it was a really stressful week and with almost no sleep I should have been so grumpy and mean to the kid and easy to cry and slow to process things (how I usually feel on little sleep), but all I had was a headache. I realized that the Lord couldn't help me sleep right then but he had been carrying my burdens all week. It was such a tender mercy to realize how blessed I was even though it wasn't the blessing I thought I needed then.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
December 4, 2016
Halloween was fun. Danny didn't dress up. He went to a teenager party hosted by a family in our ward. Rachel and Ruby were both Pikachu. Pokemon go is big in our house. Aaron was his scream costume again and Seth was a Ghostbuster. The new ghostbuster movie came out and Seth has been on a kick ever since. Actually I guess he was before it came out. He really liked 1 and 2 also.
Rachel started volleyball with a friend from church. It's just a lesson once a week. It's been really nice. She likes it. I think it would be really good for her to be able to try out for volleyball in high school. Now they just tried out for a club team that lasts January to May and it is so expensive. So we're trying to decide now if it's worth it and if she really wants it.
Aaron finished flag football. He has such a good time on that team. We were so glad his coach decided to do flag football again this year. Danny finished ballerz for a while. They take off the winter while they play for the school team. His school team is talking about practicing year round. So that will be a hard choice for him if he has to choose between school and club. He's been with ballerz for a long time and they are so great. Seth just started basketball. He didn't do a sport in the fall. He's loving basketball because he's one of the better players since he's older and his brothers have worked with him a little. Ruby and Rachel are doing dance again. We love their close, little, low-key studio. Ruby is starting to do really well. She still complains a little when I pull her away from playing to take her to class. But she memorized their dance months ago and she practices it everywhere. It makes me so happy!
We went to Austin to visit Casey and Kami over Veteran's day weekend. We had a great time. That must be a slow time for travel because it's the same weekend I found great tickets to go to San Francisco last year. We left Wednesday night and flew over night and came home late Sunday night. So we had 4 full days there. Thursday when we got to their house, we slept most of the morning. Then we went to the State Capitol in Austin and did a little tour. It was pretty. Then we went to a military museum. It was cool, but we only had 20 minutes before they closed. We walked around outside and saw the tanks. Then we found a workout playground place. The kids thought that was great and we stayed there a while. Then we ate barbeque for dinner. Friday we went to San Antonio. We went to the Alamo, which was impressive and fun, but very crowded since it was Veterans Day. Then we went and saw the River Walk. That was really fun. We had great weather while we were there. We ate ice cream there. Then we drove back and ate at our favorite monte cristo place, Cheddars. And we picked up a cake and ice cream and went back to Casey's to celebrate Ruby's birthday. Saturday we went to a fun park with Casey and Kami. Then the kids babysat and the adults went out to dinner that night. Sunday we went to church. We did our vacation church and had a testimony meeting with them in their backyard. After lunch we went of a long walk on a trail by their house that went by 2 parks. A man at the park introduced us to pineapple guava that were growing there. We took some home and tried them. They were good.
Danny tried out for high school basketball and made varsity as a freshman. Their coach is new and he came from coaching basketball at a regular high school so he runs everything just like a regular school would. It's so great. The only problem so far was that Danny had 2 F's and a D. So he's had to work really hard to get those grades up. I'm glad for some more motivation for him because Bob and I have been working on getting him to do better all year and it hasn't helped.
For Thanksgiving we got the whole week off this year. That was great. We stayed home monday and Tuesday and those days were full of taking kids to extra practices and I took a group of girls to do baptisms at the temple. When I was at the temple a little while ago I was praying about when the Lord wants me to do and I felt prompted to help the youth get to the temple and to help Bob's sister get to the temple more.
We left Tuesday night for Ryan's house. Wednesday we went to Magic Mountain with them because they had free passes. We had a lot of fun, but it got really cold and windy toward the end of the day. It's nice that it's so close to their house and we don't have to pay anything to go. Thursday we made the food and went to the park. We ate around 3 when Kristal and Dan got there. Then we went to see the new Disney movie Moana. Friday we went to the beach. It was a really nice day there. Aaron and Seth got in the water. It was hard to keep them out when it was as warm as it is some days in the summer there. They played on the playground too and we ate a picnic. That night we went to Chuck E Cheese for Ella's birthday. Saturday morning my kids babysat and all the adults went to the LA temple. I've never done a session there. It was nice. Then we had plans to go ice skating that afternoon before we headed back but we were too slow and then it started raining and we didn't want to get into traffic so we just drove home.
Rachel started volleyball with a friend from church. It's just a lesson once a week. It's been really nice. She likes it. I think it would be really good for her to be able to try out for volleyball in high school. Now they just tried out for a club team that lasts January to May and it is so expensive. So we're trying to decide now if it's worth it and if she really wants it.
Aaron finished flag football. He has such a good time on that team. We were so glad his coach decided to do flag football again this year. Danny finished ballerz for a while. They take off the winter while they play for the school team. His school team is talking about practicing year round. So that will be a hard choice for him if he has to choose between school and club. He's been with ballerz for a long time and they are so great. Seth just started basketball. He didn't do a sport in the fall. He's loving basketball because he's one of the better players since he's older and his brothers have worked with him a little. Ruby and Rachel are doing dance again. We love their close, little, low-key studio. Ruby is starting to do really well. She still complains a little when I pull her away from playing to take her to class. But she memorized their dance months ago and she practices it everywhere. It makes me so happy!
We went to Austin to visit Casey and Kami over Veteran's day weekend. We had a great time. That must be a slow time for travel because it's the same weekend I found great tickets to go to San Francisco last year. We left Wednesday night and flew over night and came home late Sunday night. So we had 4 full days there. Thursday when we got to their house, we slept most of the morning. Then we went to the State Capitol in Austin and did a little tour. It was pretty. Then we went to a military museum. It was cool, but we only had 20 minutes before they closed. We walked around outside and saw the tanks. Then we found a workout playground place. The kids thought that was great and we stayed there a while. Then we ate barbeque for dinner. Friday we went to San Antonio. We went to the Alamo, which was impressive and fun, but very crowded since it was Veterans Day. Then we went and saw the River Walk. That was really fun. We had great weather while we were there. We ate ice cream there. Then we drove back and ate at our favorite monte cristo place, Cheddars. And we picked up a cake and ice cream and went back to Casey's to celebrate Ruby's birthday. Saturday we went to a fun park with Casey and Kami. Then the kids babysat and the adults went out to dinner that night. Sunday we went to church. We did our vacation church and had a testimony meeting with them in their backyard. After lunch we went of a long walk on a trail by their house that went by 2 parks. A man at the park introduced us to pineapple guava that were growing there. We took some home and tried them. They were good.
Danny tried out for high school basketball and made varsity as a freshman. Their coach is new and he came from coaching basketball at a regular high school so he runs everything just like a regular school would. It's so great. The only problem so far was that Danny had 2 F's and a D. So he's had to work really hard to get those grades up. I'm glad for some more motivation for him because Bob and I have been working on getting him to do better all year and it hasn't helped.
For Thanksgiving we got the whole week off this year. That was great. We stayed home monday and Tuesday and those days were full of taking kids to extra practices and I took a group of girls to do baptisms at the temple. When I was at the temple a little while ago I was praying about when the Lord wants me to do and I felt prompted to help the youth get to the temple and to help Bob's sister get to the temple more.
We left Tuesday night for Ryan's house. Wednesday we went to Magic Mountain with them because they had free passes. We had a lot of fun, but it got really cold and windy toward the end of the day. It's nice that it's so close to their house and we don't have to pay anything to go. Thursday we made the food and went to the park. We ate around 3 when Kristal and Dan got there. Then we went to see the new Disney movie Moana. Friday we went to the beach. It was a really nice day there. Aaron and Seth got in the water. It was hard to keep them out when it was as warm as it is some days in the summer there. They played on the playground too and we ate a picnic. That night we went to Chuck E Cheese for Ella's birthday. Saturday morning my kids babysat and all the adults went to the LA temple. I've never done a session there. It was nice. Then we had plans to go ice skating that afternoon before we headed back but we were too slow and then it started raining and we didn't want to get into traffic so we just drove home.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
October 23, 2016
Bob, Danny and Rachel are in Virginia right now. They went to go visit Bob's grandparents. They're having a great time. Since Bob was going to be gone, I asked my mom to come visit. She came Monday night and Bob and the kids left wednesday night. She left Sunday morning and they come back sunday night. We've had a great week. She was here for Aaron's birthday. He chose to go out to TGIFridays for dinner and and target and we had donuts in the morning. My mom and I went to the temple and went shopping and did some family history and all my regular stuff, but it was fun to have someone here to do it with.
I've been working at the school a couple of days a week. I don't love being on call, but it's nice to be at the school sometimes and it's so much better than working full time!
We had stake conference last weekend. Several people talked about going to the temple once a week. I was kind of thinking I'd get to the temple twice a month now that I'm not working, but it made me realize that I should definitely go once a week. I'm excited for that goal. Also Elder Cornish came to our stake conference. I loved his conference talk and his talks at stake conference were so good too. Very similar to the things Valerie talked about in her seminar that I just finished.
We had another girl incident with Danny. Apparently he held a girl's hand at school. I got all kinds of reports from people that it happened, but when I asked him he lied to me repeatedly. We had a pretty miserable 2 weeks where he was so grumpy and mean. He gets like that every time something like this has happened. Bob always tries to tell me it's regular teenage boy stuff, but I'm so thankful for the Spirit that keeps at me to figure out what's going on. We had a great talk once he finally told the truth and it was so great to get to share some of the things I have learned from Valerie with him. He hasn't ever done anything horrible with girls, but they are sure a temptation for him and after he does it he has such guilt it just tears him apart. Parenting teenagers can be so hard, but I can't imagine how much harder it would be without the spirit.
I've been working at the school a couple of days a week. I don't love being on call, but it's nice to be at the school sometimes and it's so much better than working full time!
We had stake conference last weekend. Several people talked about going to the temple once a week. I was kind of thinking I'd get to the temple twice a month now that I'm not working, but it made me realize that I should definitely go once a week. I'm excited for that goal. Also Elder Cornish came to our stake conference. I loved his conference talk and his talks at stake conference were so good too. Very similar to the things Valerie talked about in her seminar that I just finished.
We had another girl incident with Danny. Apparently he held a girl's hand at school. I got all kinds of reports from people that it happened, but when I asked him he lied to me repeatedly. We had a pretty miserable 2 weeks where he was so grumpy and mean. He gets like that every time something like this has happened. Bob always tries to tell me it's regular teenage boy stuff, but I'm so thankful for the Spirit that keeps at me to figure out what's going on. We had a great talk once he finally told the truth and it was so great to get to share some of the things I have learned from Valerie with him. He hasn't ever done anything horrible with girls, but they are sure a temptation for him and after he does it he has such guilt it just tears him apart. Parenting teenagers can be so hard, but I can't imagine how much harder it would be without the spirit.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
October 1, 2016
We had a good conference weekend. Now we're having Sandy over for dinner because May is out of town. Friday night I went to St. George with Stephanie Gunnell. She was running the marathon and her family didn't want to go with her. So Bob took care of all the crazy kid carpools and I drove to St. George. It was a quick trip. We got there around 5:00 that night and had dinner and then Saturday she got up and did her race and I stayed in the hotel and watched the first session. It was nice to have the long drives to get to catch up.
I'm now an on-call aide instead of full time. I was still struggling with the job. And this week they called one of the other aides in to talk to her because she'd missed 19 days last year while her sister was sick. They wanted to make sure she wouldn't miss that much this year. It was a little surprising. So I went to talk to my supervisor because I think I'll miss that much this year easily, with sick kids and trips and appointments and then a few days I might need just to keep up on my life. I thought it would be better for her to know ahead of time instead of getting mad like with the other aide. She didn't like that and thought the job might not be for me then. They were in need of someone reliable to be on-call though, so I will do that. They are working to get a replacement for me now. I'm so relieved to not have to work everyday. It was just so hard. But it'll be nice to work a little still so I can see the kids there sometimes. I hope to volunteer a lot in the classroom now too. And I plan to try to get my websites so I can work about 12 hours a week. That will make it so I earn a similar amount to when I was working full time for the school. I'm so relieved it worked out ok and I don't think I've made anyone mad at me. Well, there were a couple, but I think I've explained things to them. I just really didn't know what I was committing to do when I agreed to work full time.
I'm still having breathing and sleeping issues. That's another reason the job was so stressful. I've been to see Valerie a few times over the summer. She said I had some "false precepts" and "apparently noble thinking". I've realized that I didn't fully understand the atonement. I kind of thought I should try my hardest not to use it. But she helped me realize we all need it all the time because we are imperfect (not finished) and we live in a fallen world. It's just a fact. I always had some guilt because I thought I know about the gospel and all the things I should be doing. So since I know better I should be doing better. But I still mess up or am lazy. But Heavenly Father knows me and created and finished his plan for me before the world was (Heb 4:3 JST). So he knew I'd be right where I am right now and it's ok because I'm trying. That is why I need to keep using the sacrament. I didn't have complete faith because I didn't really know if the path I'm on was agreeable to the Lord (Lectures on Faith definition). I was afraid to ask in case I wasn't, or I had mock humility or something. I realize that I am in just the place the Lord knew I would be and that has helped me have more faith and peace. So I guess my anxiety was because I thought I had to do it all myself and that if I didn't I wouldn't get the best reward or I would miss something. But I can't miss something if I'm looking to the Savior.
Anyway, I went and saw Valerie by myself 3 or 4 times and then she recommending I take her Universal Truths class. It's 7 weeks. I really like it. It's all about the basics of the gospel but it doesn't use all the regular church phrases so that helps it sink in better. I feel like I've found most of my false beliefs. And I feel a stronger understanding of our place here and what the Savior has really done for us. My breathing and tension and bad sleeping are still going strong. It's frustrating and uncomfortable. During the day I'm not too bad and I'm able to do most everything just fine, although I hurt most of the time. But at night it feels like mental illness or something. I had Bob give me a blessing. It talked about patience and understanding the body and spirit connection better. I don't know if that means I have more false beliefs or messed up subconscious or something or if I've just really messed up my body's reactions and it'll just take a while to get better. I have 3 weeks left of Valerie's class. And it'll be nice to work less so I can have time to really ponder some of this stuff and get to the temple more.
I'm now an on-call aide instead of full time. I was still struggling with the job. And this week they called one of the other aides in to talk to her because she'd missed 19 days last year while her sister was sick. They wanted to make sure she wouldn't miss that much this year. It was a little surprising. So I went to talk to my supervisor because I think I'll miss that much this year easily, with sick kids and trips and appointments and then a few days I might need just to keep up on my life. I thought it would be better for her to know ahead of time instead of getting mad like with the other aide. She didn't like that and thought the job might not be for me then. They were in need of someone reliable to be on-call though, so I will do that. They are working to get a replacement for me now. I'm so relieved to not have to work everyday. It was just so hard. But it'll be nice to work a little still so I can see the kids there sometimes. I hope to volunteer a lot in the classroom now too. And I plan to try to get my websites so I can work about 12 hours a week. That will make it so I earn a similar amount to when I was working full time for the school. I'm so relieved it worked out ok and I don't think I've made anyone mad at me. Well, there were a couple, but I think I've explained things to them. I just really didn't know what I was committing to do when I agreed to work full time.
I'm still having breathing and sleeping issues. That's another reason the job was so stressful. I've been to see Valerie a few times over the summer. She said I had some "false precepts" and "apparently noble thinking". I've realized that I didn't fully understand the atonement. I kind of thought I should try my hardest not to use it. But she helped me realize we all need it all the time because we are imperfect (not finished) and we live in a fallen world. It's just a fact. I always had some guilt because I thought I know about the gospel and all the things I should be doing. So since I know better I should be doing better. But I still mess up or am lazy. But Heavenly Father knows me and created and finished his plan for me before the world was (Heb 4:3 JST). So he knew I'd be right where I am right now and it's ok because I'm trying. That is why I need to keep using the sacrament. I didn't have complete faith because I didn't really know if the path I'm on was agreeable to the Lord (Lectures on Faith definition). I was afraid to ask in case I wasn't, or I had mock humility or something. I realize that I am in just the place the Lord knew I would be and that has helped me have more faith and peace. So I guess my anxiety was because I thought I had to do it all myself and that if I didn't I wouldn't get the best reward or I would miss something. But I can't miss something if I'm looking to the Savior.
Anyway, I went and saw Valerie by myself 3 or 4 times and then she recommending I take her Universal Truths class. It's 7 weeks. I really like it. It's all about the basics of the gospel but it doesn't use all the regular church phrases so that helps it sink in better. I feel like I've found most of my false beliefs. And I feel a stronger understanding of our place here and what the Savior has really done for us. My breathing and tension and bad sleeping are still going strong. It's frustrating and uncomfortable. During the day I'm not too bad and I'm able to do most everything just fine, although I hurt most of the time. But at night it feels like mental illness or something. I had Bob give me a blessing. It talked about patience and understanding the body and spirit connection better. I don't know if that means I have more false beliefs or messed up subconscious or something or if I've just really messed up my body's reactions and it'll just take a while to get better. I have 3 weeks left of Valerie's class. And it'll be nice to work less so I can have time to really ponder some of this stuff and get to the temple more.
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